I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
