You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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