after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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