Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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