Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
