How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
