Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
