Betty ford says i'm here all night
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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