You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
