I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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