I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
