if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
