is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
