At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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