she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
