I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
