I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
