so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
