Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
