You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I touched a dick in church today
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
