some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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