For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
