a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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