dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
