I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
