YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
