Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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