My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
