Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
