My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
