I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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