Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
