So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
