Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
