She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
