I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
