my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
