man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
