He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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