There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
