I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
