There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
