im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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