and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
