i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
