New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
