kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
