Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
