just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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