she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
