I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
